Lessons From Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, The Ultimate Hopeless Romantic

April 28, 2013 Dating, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Love No comments

If you’re familiar with my site (or follow me on Twitter), you know I love Sex and the City. The show chronicles four friends living in New York City who experience the highs and lows of being single women. Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, is nothing short of a southern belle who isn’t from the south. She’s sort of prudish (but does have a fun side), conservative, but sweet as pie. She’s the ultimate hopeless romantic.

 

One thing about Charlotte is that she’s a die-hard believer in true love. In just about every episode, she remains optimistic about finding love and keeping it. What I love about Charlotte is that even when things fell apart with her “knight and shining armor” of a first husband, she didn’t swear off men forever, or decide all men were the same. Instead she lived life, remarried and got her fairytale ending. Of course the process was painful, and things weren’t perfect, but she eventually found happiness. Now that’s just a television show and things don’t always happen like that. However, in real life, we all have options. It usually comes down to this:

A) I’m going to convince myself something is either wrong with me or every guy (or girl) in the universe so I will be depressed and cynical

OR

B) I will choose happiness, stay positive, and shut the f-ck up about being bitter

Now, let’s be clear….it’s HARD to be positive when you’ve been disappointed. It’s not easy at all. But, we all have to decide if we’re going to stay disappointed, sad, and negative, OR look at life as full of lessons that you’ll soon look back on and appreciate. Halfway through my 20s, I’m learning to appreciate everything that happens, the good and not-so-good. Things happen…..maybe they weren’t planned, but they happened. And when those not-so-good things happen, you mourn them and make peace with the outcome. I have a lot more to learn in this life, but one thing I do know is that happiness comes from within. No person, thing, or situation can sustain your happiness forever. But most importantly, it’s a choice. It’s ok to demand happiness. As Charlotte once said, “I’m sweet, romantic and traditional. I’m a bit prissy and naive, and I won’t settle for less than a picture perfect life.”

Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Go Shopping With You

December 3, 2012 Dating, Humor, Life, Love, Relationships No comments

Fresh out of high school and done with my first semester of college, I decided it was time to make some money of my own. Retail was the easiest to get into. After 6 years of working in retail, I saw any type of crazy shopping scenario you could imagine. An unbelievable amount of theft, fights, bogus returns (one lady tried to return something that was 9 years old), long-lost friend reunite in fitting rooms, and everything else in between. No matter the clientele, there was always one scenario I’d see constantly:

Boyfriends, Potential boyfriends, fiancées, wannabe fiancées, etc. being forced to shop. I’m talking guys waiting for their significant others in the dressing room while they tried on 28 different dresses that were basically the same thing.

Ladies, why do we force our men to shop with us? Why do we think it’s cool to have our boyfriends traipse behind us while we ask them if everything is cute when we know deep down inside, he could care less? Ok, so maybe you don’t technically force him to but it’ll be an issue if he doesn’t. I want to let you in on something:

He doesn’t care how it looks. He doesn’t care about that color nor does he care if those cropped pants make you look shorter. He really doesn’t care. I’m sure if you wore pants on your head and a shirt on your head, he’d probably think it was some new fashion trend. Of course there are some guys who don’t mind shopping with us and maybe even like it. But for the most part, unless it’s a planned collaborative trip, he really doesn’t care what you buy. Of course there are exceptions. There are guys who are very into fashion and love to go on shopping trips, and try on tons of clothes. But……from what I’ve seen after probably hundreds of hours in fitting rooms, that’s every once in a blue moon. Rare breed.

So, ladies, the next time you want to make your boyfriend shop with you, don’t. Just when he thinks your about to ask him to go shopping with you, surprise him and say “Hey! Let’s go to *insert favorite bar/hangout/restaurant* (or Hooters!)” and he’ll love you forever.

I promise.

 

These Are My Confessions: 5 Artists I Probably Should Like, But Don’t

December 1, 2012 Humor, Music No comments

My love for music runs deep. Growing up with a parent who’s professionally trained in piano and organ, and another who sings like an angel (and will dance at the drop of a hat in public), it comes natural. I love to give artists and their music a chance, hoping to add them to my regular rotation and music library. Unfortunately, there are artists whom I’ve given more than several chances to like. It’s not that I think they’re horrible, I could just never get into them. These artists are loved my many, and one is even named a trailblazer for their genre. So, here they are. The 5 artists I probably should like, but don’t.

 

Yolanda Adams

Arguably one of the most prolific Christian artists of the last 20 years, Yolanda Adams took the gospel industry by storm in the early 1990s. Her gospel career is successful, she has a nationally syndicated radio show, and is one of the few gospel acts to become mainstream. Pretty much every thing she sings becomes popular, and her fan base is strong. I’ve involuntarily memorized many of her songs simply because of three things:

1. Every praise dancer or mime dancer in church has performed to a Yolanda Adams song.

2. Every soloist sings or attempts to sing one of her songs during church service or a funeral.

3. The radio loves her, and still does. Turn to your local gospel station and you’re guaranteed a Yolanda Adams song every hour.

Jennifer Hudson

I know, I know. I can hear it now….”J-Hud?! You don’t like Jennifer Hudson?? You’re crazy!” Yup. Maybe I am. I’m not disputing any of these artist’s vocal ablilites….they just aren’t for me. Jennifer Hudson is the epitome of the American Dream. She’s been through public tragedy even after achieving success, yet still maintained class and dignity. I respect that. However, I’m sorry, but Jenny is not in my music library. The only music from Jennifer Hudson I listen to is from Dreamgirls. She gives me Effie all the time even when she’s Jennifer. Every. Single. Time.

Bruno Mars

While his songs dominate the chart and he’s performing at every award show, Bruno Mars has not captured my attention not one bit. I do admit I like “Just The Way You Are”, however, I think Mary Mary has a better version. He seems manufactured to me. I just can’t put my finger on it. The whole attempt at being James Brown, MJ, and Elvis wrapped in one does nothing for me.

Melanie Fiona

melanie-fiona

Melanie Fiona is just……I don’t know. I cannot get into her songs or something. I don’t think she’s not talented, but I’m not drawn to any of her songs. I do like “Fool For You”, but is that because Cee Lo is on it? I don’t know. I’ve gone through her music, and nothing strikes me. If you have some suggestions, I’ll be glad to take another listen. I feel like she’s “my type of artist”, but….she’s not.

Rick Ross

Do I really have to explain? So, while I don’t claim to be a “music snob” in any way, I just don’t believe Rick Ross is that great. I feel like I’m the only person in my city with not one Rick Ross song on my iPod. I think because he’s hyped as so good, and I don’t see that at all, it’s hard for me to like him. And then him walking around with his 40 DDs….it’s just……not enticing. At. All. But hey, that’s just me.

Are there artists you feel like you should like, but don’t?

Why You Should Actually Vote (And Not Be Undecided)

October 29, 2012 Life, News, Politics No comments

I said I would refrain from political talk on my blog, but I feel compelled to speak on the subject. This election is probably one of the most important elections in recent years. The last heated (understatement)presidential campaign was in 2000 when Governor George W. Bush and Vice President Al Gore went head to head for the coveted seat in the oval office. This time, things are a bit different. Things like blatant voter intimidation, along with an overly feisty campaign from both candidates have increased the stakes. There are two candidates here with two very different plans and visions for the United States of America. I need you to lean in to your screen and read this closely:

If you’re of age to vote, registered, and don’t vote, I don’t believe you care about your well-being. There are so many things at stake here. It’s bigger than whether you think voting doesn’t really matter. I need you to put those conspiracy theories aside and think hard about your decision to not vote.

I won’t say who you should vote for, but if you’re still only thinking about voting, at least do some research. Tune out the slanderous commercials and countless “zings” and really look up both candidates. Who’s really qualified? Who has the better record? Who seems genuine? Who do you feel is going to lead this country into a better direction? Do you agree with the policies and plans being thrown out there? I need you undecided or “maybe not voting” people to wake up and read some things. Healthcare, student loans, taxes, etc., are all things that concern you. Even if you’re still relatively young, whoever is voted into office on November 6th, 2012 will change the course of America. It’s already been said whoever wins will most likely have to appoint a justice to the Supreme Court, maybe two. That’s huge deal. Do you understand that? Those nine judges make decisions that directly affect us. Depending on who is voted in office, that alone will change things for America for possibly decades to come.

I could go on and on about how this election changes things, but I won’t. I’ll simply just ask you to consider voting. Please, if you’re a registered voter, please vote. Undecided voters, do us all a favor and try not be undecided by November 6th. The differences are pretty crystal clear. I really believe you know exactly who you want to vote for. And never forget, President George W. Bush literally won Florida by 537 votes. Like, he got the electoral votes for Florida to win the presidency by 537 votes. So the next time you think about saying “my vote doesn’t matter”, think about that.

I Really Want Fantasia To Win, Really.

October 27, 2012 Music, Pop Culture, Random No comments

fantasia

I just repurchased Fantasia’s latest album, Back To Me. I was forced to because I’ve been too lazy to get all of my music from my old HP hard drive transferred to my current laptop. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure it’s at my parent’s house….. Anyway, one of my absolute favorite ways to unwind is to listen to music. Whatever makes me feel good at the time is what I listen to. Bonnie Raitt, 90s R&B, The Clark Sisters, Vampire Weekend’s latest album, or whatever. This time I was in the mood to listen to Fantasia. A few of my favorite songs from the songstress include but not limited to: “Bore Me (Yawn)”, “Surround U”, “Truth Is”, and “Even Angels”. The American Idol alum has the natural vocal abilities that surpass many of her very successful peers across genres. When you hear her sing, you clearly sense the conviction and emotion with every word, melisma, and pause. She believes what she sings. I believe what she sings. Whether it’s for the BET Gospel Music Celebration singing about Jesus, or telling a guy she’s better than her mother’s “Collard Greens and Corn Bread”. In my opinion, her music and live performances speak for themselves. Yet, her personal life has overshadowed this great talent. Publicly overcoming her literacy struggles, being sued for millions by her own father and estranged wife of her “significant other”, risky throat surgery, being the sole provider for her family, all while balancing her career and motherhood. The messy story with her and that guy we won’t name surely took a toll on her career and personal life. I’m sure she has her share of good times, and loves her life, but it’s hard to not imagine her struggle to stay afloat mentally. Lately she’s been lying low, away from the headlines on the blogs and entertainment news. She recently sang the national anthem at a college football game between North Carolina A&T and Morgan State University in September. She has a show scheduled on her official website in December in Atlanta with the likes of Charlie Wilson and Kem. She’s been through so much and not even 30 yet. I don’t even think she has even reached her full potential musically. I’m not diminishing her works so far, however I’m very much looking forward to a brighter future for her career. She’s one of the few R&B singers of this generation that I love for their unabashed claim to gospel influenced sound and attempt to stick to a true, soulful sound versus chasing industry trends. I read she’s working on an album. The single was rumored to be scheduled for a summer release (obviously didn’t happen) and possible fall/winter album release. We probably won’t hear a new album from Fantasia until first quarter 2013. Or later. Aside from all that, I’m still rooting for her. I want her to win. I’m hoping she revisits her own lyrics to her own song, “The Worst Part Is Over”.

No, you ain’t gotta climb this mountain alone…Just take my hand, and I’ll fight for you when you can’t be strong…The worst part is over…See I’ve been to a place called hell on earth, that part is over.

 

 

Goodbye Summer, Hate To See You Go….

August 27, 2012 Inspiration, Life, Uncategorized No comments

I started this challenge failing already. Didn’t even post yesterday. So rude of me.

Back to our regularly scheduled post challenge.

It’s August already.

Things are rapidly changing and I’m savoring every moment. Life feels like its moving too fast. I often hear older people say life will start to fly by at this point. One moment you’re a vibrant, ambitious 20-something. Then just like that, moments later you’re reminiscing about your 20s and that decade is now only a memory.

Scary.

So far I’ve received a good amount of advice from my parents, friends, professors, and even random people. For a long time I would try to process that information and attempt to apply it all to my life.

Then I realized something.

I can’t do that.

I’m now learning to filter a lot of that advice simply because all advice isn’t good advice. Even when it comes from a great friend with sincere intentions, sometimes it’s just not good advice. I learned to be selective and accepted that it’s OK to be selective. Some of the best advice I’ve received has come at the most unexpected times. Here are several pieces of funny (and encouraging) advice and quotes.

“Cherish the time you spend with your immediate family while your life is pre-marriage, pre-kids, and pre-mother-in-law from hell.”

“You automate what’s important to you.”

From an English professor…

“Once a very conservative student of mine tried to make me give an opinion on abortion. Of course a subject like that is sensitive and way too political for me to just throw out there. I told her I’m neither pro-life or pro-choice. I’m pro-getting-pregnant-at-the-right-time.”

“When you go in for an interview, make sure you know everything about the company and you have 3 questions prepared. Always.”

“Hope isn’t a strategy.”

 

Revamping My Blogging Life – #30In30

August 25, 2012 Inspiration, Uncategorized No comments

There’s this great challenge that’s been floating around on my Twitter timeline for a while now. The #30In30 blog challenge has to probably be the scariest thing ever for me. Thirty days of straight blogging? No break? Seems impossible for me. But, it doesn’t hurt to try.

So for 30 days, I’ll be writing my little heart about things I feel are relevant (and not so relevant) to share in this space. My online life became a bit limited recently because of this new thing where I actually work….every day. I know! I’m surprised too. I’m happy though. I can now fully support my semi-ratchet happenings and student loans properly. Anyway, I hadn’t blogged in a while (over 40 days!) and thought it was time to get this show back on the road. My social media life was also plummeting. Fast. Facebook became a place where I lurked for information about my family and a few friends. (“Lurk” is such a creepy word…) I checked into Twitter only a couple of times a day, and would update maybe once. No blog or website of mine has been updated for a long time. So here we are. Blogging. For 30 days. Wish me luck.

 

Being A Single 20-Something Isn’t The End of The World

July 10, 2012 Dating, Life No comments

Statistics show us millenials are getting married later and later. That’s not a bad thing either. I’m concerned for you twenty-somethings who are hell-bent on getting married so quickly and wanting to have children by tender ages of 23 or 24. Why? I understand there’s an invisible time and biological clock you’re attempting to beat, but really? Right now? Must you plan your lives around finding “the one” so soon in life? Does everything have to be based on whether you get married or not? It certainly doesn’t. I hear more plans for imaginary spouses and children than I do for world traveling or conquering the world. While I’m not saying marriage or having children are not a beautiful, wonderful, and heart-warming moments, I don’t understand the rush. I don’t understand the worries about not being married by 25, 26, 27,…..or God forbid……30. (I can hear your gasps.) My own parents got married in their early 20s and had me a year later. When I think about their lives now and major moves they’re making like getting higher degrees and changing careers, I often wonder about their potential paths if one of them would have spoken up before they were married and said, “are we really sure about this?” I’m certain in the moment, they were more than sure and are happy with their decisions having no regrets. But it’s hard not to think about the “what ifs” for them. It’s funny because they both encourage me to do bizarre, out of the box things all the time. I always get the feeling they don’t want me to explore any “what ifs” twenty and thirty years from now. Perhaps like they did at some point. So for now, the only thing they will be getting from me these days rather than a husband and children are my plans for world domination or something like that.

-Val

That Awkward Moment When…..

July 3, 2012 Random, Social Media No comments

A rapper calls you out for an article you wrote including him.  Yes, that happened.

As many of you know, I am was a blogger for the Radio One stations here in Philly. The position is now past tense because my new working position presents a conflict of interest. The other day, I sent in my last article with the topic about the rise of Frat Rap. If you’ve heard of Asher Roth or Mac Miller, you ‘re familiar with Frat Rap. When I submit my articles I sometimes read it once it’s up on the website, but often times I don’t. I feel like I wrote and stared at it for so long, there’s no need to read it again. I don’t even read the comment section anymore. Well this article got some real attention. It caught the eye of someone who I mentioned in the piece.

(Hoodie Allen)

 Hoodie Allen, rapper from New York, was included in my Frat Rap article.  Today I got a nice little mention on Twitter that was RT’d about a dozen times (probably will be more once this is posted).

 

I honestly didn’t know how to respond. So I said, “Thanks for clearing that up. Wishing you success.” So corny, right? Then of course I thought of better things to say after the tweet was sent.  After my response, he then sent:

I’m not going to lie, I thought he was going to let me have it. He was nice though. I responded again letting him know I was in error for lumping him together with other artists. I’m sure he saw it and knew it was sincere. I appreciate any artist that defends their work to someone who obviously didn’t take enough time to actively engage in their music. I also appreciate the “call out” because as a writer, blogger, or any type of creative, others will challenge your work. The challenging may not even be to embarrass you, but to correct on an error. As a “newbie” blogger, I embrace that. So, what have I learned from this? Several things:

1. Check your story/topic/subject thoroughly. Leave no stone unturned.

2. Always be ready for the public (even someone you wrote about) to make comments about your work. They’re coming.

3. Don’t go on a negative comment spree. I didn’t do this but I see a lot of bloggers/writers who responds to others negatively after a situation like this.

4. And lastly and probably most importantly, you never know who’s reading your work.

 

Any writers or bloggers ever have this experience? Let me know.

Val

 

No Shame – Choosing To Be Mentally Healthy

July 2, 2012 Health, Inspiration, Life, Non-Profits 2 comments

I am Valerye, and I have No Shame.

It was in college.

During the fall semester in 2010, I was taking 6 classes and was probably behind in 4 of them. I had moved out of my parent’s house and was still getting used to not living home. My 2 year relationship was….let’s just say it was the beginning of the end and I was oblivious to it. I knew something was definitely wrong, but I ignored it. I was extremely sad about it and had no idea how to deal.

While all of this was happening, I kept a smile on my face for everyone. I didn’t tell anyone how stressed I felt with these changes and took its toll on me internally. I had a meeting with a writing professor of mine about the upcoming paper. I went into the meeting seemingly normal with my (very) late second draft. She expressed concern and simply asked me, “Are you alright?” I broke down crying. I couldn’t even get my words together to tell her anything. After we talked, she encouraged me to see someone. She shared her own story about seeing a professional and how talking to someone really helped. She suggested making an appointment with someone from the counseling staff at school, just to talk. I remember her making me laugh because she made a joke about how it was free anyway since I was a student.

I made my appointment shortly after our meeting. I saw a really great psychologist named Kate for the rest of the semester. She was sweet, but didn’t hold back during out talks. That semester I was able to create a plan with the help of Kate to finish my work and end the semester successfully. Even though I was “only” dealing with anxiety and high levels of stress, I was so glad I talked to someone. Stress and anxiety can cause people to do destructive things, so I knew it was important to get it under control. Sometimes you can’t express to your family or friends about your pressures, failures, or anything that’s weighing heavily on you.

After that, I looked into therapy/counseling in the black student community and found that black students aren’t reaching out to professionals for mental issues. We often times rely on religion, family, and other means of getting by. Also, the fear of being deemed “crazy” or weak deters us from engaging in our mental health.Those who have reached out to professionals for their mental health shouldn’t be afraid to speak out about their story. We see those in the public eye who have struggles, and we laugh and make jokes not thinking about them possibly dealing with something deeper than we can imagine. Let’s encourage being outspoken about mental health and not silent. I’ve seen a psychologist to deal with issues before. No Shame.

No Shame Day, created by the awesome Bassey Ikpi, is to finally put that stigma to rest. Ms. Ikpi has a non-profit for mental awareness called The Siwe Project. Please go the website to learn more about it.

Hi. I’m Valerye, and I have No Shame.

 

 

 

 

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